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Watching Hunting Videos On The "Sportsman's Channel"

I began shooting when I was six, started following my dad around deer hunting at nine, shot my first greydigger at ten, carried a gun on a deer hunt myself at twelve, I have gutted and skinned my share of Oregon mule deer and elk, have gone on numerous solo canoe trips in the wilderness of Alaska, shot in competition for years, I am certified with archery and black powder as well as handguns and high power rifles, camped, sat under the stars and thanked my GOD for all of it, and as of this writing and am somewhere between sixty and oblivion and am still alive to tell about it.

I watch the Sportsman's Channel each day, not so much for the videos, but to catch Cam Edwards on the NRA News show at one o'clock here in Wasilla, Alaska. 

But I must say, some of these videos are real "special".

Someone needs to tell these guys that sitting in a BLIND wearing CAMOFLAGE and being in out of the rain, wind, freeze azz temps and waiting by a water hole just ain't "hunting".  I've "hunted" and I know what I'm talking about. I mean, some of these guys SLEEP in those blinds, put up with their buddies farts, sick jokes and have a thermos of hot JOE and even a Sh*tt*r inside there!

Naw, That just ain't hunting!!!

And would someone tell these guys that whispering inside a blind when the animals are still a couple miles away that it just ain't needed.

Let me say another thing about hunting.  You don't really appreciate a BEAR HUNT unless you are on the GROUND where the BEARS can have a FAIR SHOT at YOU!  A TREE STAND is just plain COWARDICE!!!  C'mon.  Spread your self with some peanut butter and bacon grease, stay on the ground and you will soon get that "Adrenaline Rush" you crave so much!

My favorite ones are of the big tom turkey that comes in and beats hell out of a tom decoy then mounts a female decoy thinking he is gettting laid, then gets blasted by a twelve guage shot gun!  I bet he went to heaven with a sweet thought of that special piece of tail!  Kind of like a Muslim that blows himself to bits thinking he is going to get those seventy-two virgins, I guess.....

Another favorite is a buck white tail deer coming in and mounting a decoy doe...c'mon!  We need some deer porn videos for the stupid bucks to know the difference here!  A boot sailor with a blow up doll is about the same thing!

I also can't figure out why they spend thousands of dollars on a "guide service" when they don't get "guided".  They go to a "Game Ranch", get fed, boarded, a nice comfy cabin with bunks, TV, and a buch of other "guests" all being catered to like they was all home with momma.

THEN they get told which deer to shoot, when he will be there, what he looks like, how old he is, how many other little deer he has sired....give me a break!  "Yup.  Old Buck will be here at seven thirty. We been a'watchin' him grow and get bigger for the last five years and he is a reall big ol' boy now."   That's NOT hunting.  That's like going to Wal Mart and buying a deer.

NOW we have FOOD PLOTS.  Special plants and vitamins all laid out there to grow BIG, MASSIVE antlers.  That is deer FARMING.  it ain't HUNTING!  You don't have to HUNT for a deer that comes to the place you planted the wacky weed to get him high and grow to be some un-natural size!  Last I heard, you have to cook the piss out of antlers to get them to be digestable.

Trail cameras...SPY CAMERAS that tell you WHEN, what kind, how big, all kinds of stuff.  "Hell. We can sleep in till seven.  Old Buck won't be here till nine."

THEN, one of these jokers kills an animal at like, a thousand yards with a scientifically engineered super-duper high powered rifle that the snipers in Afghanistan use and they come totally unglued and jump around high-fiving each other and patting themselves on the back and, "Boy, Cooter, You sure SMOKED that big ol' deer!"  PUH-LEEZE.  Somebody come in here and clean up my vomit! You don't see some kid on his first hunt with granpaws old thutty- thutty any more.

Now we have a COMPETITION on WHO CAN MAKE the BEST VIDEO!!!!  It ain't even HUNTING now.  Lighting, best scenery shots, commentary, best wildlife video shot from different angles.  Weather challenges, was it INTERESTING...shucks, folks, let's just get some Disney animatronics, a bit of Spielberg and we have a WINNER!!!!

THEN...We have the GAME WARDEN shows.  POLICE busting POACHERS and other IDIOTS who blast stuffed deer, moose and other critters at night, out of season, wrong number of antler points....caught on trail cameras, LIVE ACTION shot on site.   THEN they go to the guys house and confront him, he denies it, they open his garge and see the deer hanging there, "Nope wasn't me....Don't know how that deer go there."  Laugh a minute shows.

Another thing that gets me going...You NEVER see anybody hunting without the LATEST AND GREATEST bows, guns, scopes, sights, arrows, bullets, clothing, ATV's, blinds, scents, scent covers, ice chests, stoves and hot food, spices and jerky recipes.

Some of these new computer-generated compound bows are real technologically engineered pieces of crap.  Watch one of these guys wade through an ALDER PATCH with one.  I DARE YA!!!  All them fancy cams and risers, sights and such will get knocked all to hell in an alder patch!  Been there, done that!

When are they going to show some poor sclub going out there and nailing a big monster buck with an out dated bow, home made arrows and wearing the same old hunting clothes he has been wearing for years??? 

Never.  Why??  Hunting is no longer hunting.  It is all for profit and seeing someone hunt for food, facing the real world and doing it on a tight budget just ain't something worthy of television.

I avoid FISHING SHOWS.  I don't NEED the excitement.  However, Jeremy Wade going all over the world to fish for all manner of  freshwater fish that kills other people is kind of interesting.  I wonder how many other guys ENVY him for being PAID to do that.....

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