Okay, I know I shouldn't but I am going to make this post for Thanksgiving, now. I know, you're asking. "Why in the world is he making a post about a holiday that's still a couple of weeks away?" It's hard for me to say it out loud but..............dadburnit, I gots to say it.I am suffering here, folks. Here is a list of some........SOME, of the symptoms:1) Chills2) My mouth goes from bone dry to almost drooling3) Headaches4) Quivering knees5) Unsteady stride, almost to a point of walking as if intoxicated6) Shakes7) Loss of the ability to talk8) Sometimes, I feel like I'm burning up with a fever9) Sleepless nights10) Loss of the ability to concentrate11) Constantly looking at the calendarAm I suffering from H1N1 or as we've been constantly reminded of it's other name, Swine Flu? Nope.I am suffering from........................"Lackofturkeyitis". Yep, you read that right. It is an ailment suffered by many people. Although, you never hear about it, because we just keep it bottled up inside and never say anything until.............NOW. I gotta have some dead bird, right now. Chicken, duck, goose, and pheasant just don't cut it. It's gotta be that ugly sucker with that big red goober hanging off it's beak. And don't even mention squab. In other words, pigeon. There isn't anyway that I'm gonna chow down on a bird that's a bad as rats, in the city. It's gotta be a turkey. I see wild ones, all the time because of the vast amount of forests near my home. They come out, as if teasing me, knowing full well that I'm not carrying any guns with me.That's okay, you sly suckers. One of ya are gonna be on my table, real soon. Trust me ( as Dutch licks his lips, rubs his hands together, tucks a napkin into his shirt, and casts his gaze around the room for his knife and fork). Oh yeah, that's the ticket. Mashed potatoes, gravy ( lots of gravy), sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, green beans, stuffing, corn, and rolls with butter. Oh My Gawd, lotsa buttered rolls. My wife can have that crap with marshmellows, fruit, and nuts. I'm sure that our forefathers gorged themselves on that crap. Yuck!!! And, gotta follow everything up with cherry, apple, and pumpkin pies, with lotsa "Cool Whip". Are ya drooling yet? I am!!! And the beauty of it all, turkey for days afterwards. Sandwiches, etc. Pure heaven.I want to wish everyone a safe and Happy Thanksgiving, now. My wife says that there are some guys in white coats, want to talk to me. Not until after Thanksgiving. They won't rob me of that. Those of you that are suffering from "Lackofturkeyitis", my prayers go out to you. It is an ailment that I wouldn't wish onto anyone. Having been the inventor of it, I can say truthfully, I will cure myself..............soon. On Thanksgiving Day."Dutch"
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Mmmm.