This is a true story. It is also a raw and maybe a bit crude story, but nonetheless, true and I'm sure, a lot of guys can "relate" to it....
Hector had returned to its home port stateside from the 1972 WESPAC cruise to Long Beach, California and was enjoying a bit of relaxation after a long and laborious time in the far western Pacific.
A party was planned for R-2 Division over at the Naval Station Park, close by where we were moored. All sorts of food and drinks were provided and we all ate and drank our fill of whatever we could lay our hands on. Mostly potato salad, barbecued stuff, baked beans, hotdogs and of course, beer...Plenty of beer.
I was full and needed to get back to the ship. Not to awfully drunk, but enough...and I decided to hit the rack.
If you that read this can remember, in those days, we had the pipe-frame bunks with the canvas stretched by rope around the edges, and a thin mattress, and we all kept our gear in those little two-by-two-by-two aluminum lockers. Bunks were three high, and the walking space between bunks and lockers was about eighteen inches or so.....
I had the middle bunk on this particular bunk set. It was before "Taps" or lights out but I wanted to sleep it off.
I slept naked, as a lot of guys did, with just a blanket over me. Just as a lot of guys did.
I was trying to fall asleep, but my guts wouldn't calm down after such a rousing diet just a few hours before. I began to generate gas. Not just a bit, I mean it was large amounts, and it was PAINFUL!
A large gas bubble was working its way through my Gastro-Intestinal system, and I let it come out without a lot of fanfare, under the blanket....The "odor" crept up to the opening by my face......PHEW! NASTY!
This was too bad even for me! It would have won a bar bet in any corner of the globe. Easily. No contest.
I vented and tried to get some sleep.
Some joker came down and began going through his locker. It was the middle locker right behind me. Eighteen inches from ground zero. He spent time doing whatever with his belongings and trinkets...making just enough of a nuisance to keep me awake.
Another giant gas bubble was causing me pain and suffering as it worked through my system. I thought a bit about it...about two seconds...I sure as hell wasn't going to vent UNDER my blanket again!
I figured...WHAT THE HELL...
I flipped off the blanket, let go a mighty wind, then flipped the blanket back over me.
A couple seconds transpired...Then a few things occurred in rapid succession:
The words "OH MY!" were heard followed along with the rapid closing and locking of the locker door.
Then a rapid succession of footsteps over to the ladder and up out of the compartment. I drifted off to sleep, and that guy never bothered me again.
It is rumored he went AWOL.
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